April 26, 2021
We waited all day for the biopsy results to come back. Cory and I were working late when I got a call from my primary care physician (PCP) Kim Bankston, around 9pm. I just figured she was calling to check in, since I had requested the Imaging Center keep her in the loop and be sure to send all my images/results to her too.
I think she thought that I had already heard the news from my OB’s office, but I had not. So she unfortunately had to deliver the bad news - the biopsy came back positive for abnormal cells - “invasive high grade ductal carcinoma.” I felt the air get sucked out of the room and the look I gave Cory was sheer terror. I grabbed a notepad and pen and tried to write it all down because I knew I was in shock and wouldn’t remember half of what she was telling me.
But, she had a plan. She had already contacted the Community Cancer Center and got the ball rolling with the Breast Health Navigator, Lisa Lowry. She had complied a list of recommended physicians and told me that Lisa would be contacting me to set up initial appointments with each member of what would become my care team.
I have never been so terrified, angry, shocked and confused all at once in my life. When Kim realized that I hadn’t heard the results yet, her attitude and tone changed - I felt my heart drop to the floor and the air was completely sucked out of my chest. Cory held me. I sobbed. I called my mom, we cried, I cursed. We tried to sleep. I wished we had one more night of not knowing our world was about to be blown up. Cory and I lay in bed watching videos of Macy, looking through photos of our family. I watched her grow right before my eyes, thankful for this miracle God had blessed us with, aching that even with all the moments in this life together, it would never be enough time. I thought about how we were hoping to start trying again for baby #2 this summer, and how those dreams would have to be put on hold... or would they be able to happen at all now?
And then I felt my mind overcome with resolve, that could have only come from God above. I thought about everything I have to live for. I lay staring up at the ceiling of our dark room and told Cory I was going to fight like hell to beat this and be there for every moment of Macy’s life. That I was going to grow good and old with him. This is not the end of our story.
God blessed us with sleep that night.
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