September 17, 2021
This is a hard season, I don’t think anyone would disagree with me on that. I have my bad days, those hard moments where the tears flow freely and my throat is tight and I just have to sit in those moments and feel them. Until I can come to terms, focus on my faith and hope, on my husband and my baby girl, and wade out of those dark waters. But then there are weeks like this one - that are marked by lengthy phone calls with my best friends - talking about everything and nothing, laughing about the funny things our kids have said and done, dreaming about the next time we’ll be able to get together, where we’ll go, what adventures we’ll plan. A week that’s been sprinkled with coffee dates with dear friends in town, time spent laughing, commiserating and supporting one another in friendship and fellowship and just knowing that this is why God made us. To love one another and build one another up and support one another, in the good and the bad and the beyond ugly that life throws at us. And the week might have hit peak when my husband and I snuck off for a movie date - the first time in almost 2 years - and we laughed and held hands and acted like, for just a moment, we didn’t have the weight of the world on our shoulders and we could just be kids in love, watching a movie at the theater, sharing a bucket of popcorn and forgetting about the world outside those doors. It can wait, it will be there when we’re done.
God is the Great Redeemer. He can restore the things that seem beyond repair - I picture him standing before me like a poised Mary Poppins and with a snap of His fingers, the laundry folds itself back into the dresser drawers, the toys in the playroom all rewind and pop back into their baskets and my body is healed, reset to its’ former glory, made better than ever before. I know in my heart that I am going to beat this, in my mind I am resolved that there is no other option. I believe that God will carry me through this and that the expectation will be for me to help others navigate these tumultuous waters in the future. It’s been described to me by my friend Laura as the shittiest "calling” one could have bestowed upon them, and as I’ve said so many times before, certainly not one that I would ever choose. But I am choosing to trust in this plan that I do not know, cannot see. I am choosing to have faith in a God who saves. For all of these reasons, tonight - and for all my nights to come - I am beyond grateful.
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