May 7, 2021
Y’all. IVF is HARD. I don’t think I ever thought it wasn’t hard, but I now have a direct understanding of the pain that IVF mommas go through and my heart breaks for so many reasons. I mixed my medicine on my own this morning, I felt like such a failure. I kept leaving behind droplets of the solution in the vials and what was supposed to be 1mL of solution was about ½ that in the end. It took me a solid 30min to do the mixture and then finally, I tried to get excess air out of the syringe and ended up losing even more droplets of the solution out the top of the needle, instead of air bubbles. I walked away from this morning’s meds feeling defeated but determined to do better tomorrow.
To my IVF mommas that I know and love - you are the ultimate badasses. I know that I’ve only got a shot at this for about 1 week, but I know you do this for weeks. Day after day, time after time, every morning for weeks, months even - giving everything that you have for the hopes of a future little miracle being born of all that time and anxiety and pain. I have always respected you for your ability to persevere, to endure, to charge ahead in the pursuit of love and family. But today, I cannot stop thinking about you and praying that you always feel seen and supported.
Praying that it be God’s will for this treatment to work. I’ll go back to check on my ovary/follicle progress on Monday. If it looks like my body is responding well, then we should be able to schedule the egg retrieval for Friday morning. Sending up all the prayers.
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