Tuesday, September 7, 2021
I can hardly believe that the day has finally come. I know we always say it feels like summer flies by, but this time it really did feel that way. I remember back in April, being diagnosed, learning my treatment plan, counting out the days and weeks until chemo would be done. I knew that should we be able to stay on track, I would finish chemo the week after my brother’s wedding. And I remember hating myself knowing that my diagnosis and treatment would complicate my brother’s wedding-year, that it would take away from the joy and celebration that I wanted our family to be focused on. And I remember thinking that his wedding felt like a lifetime away, there was still so much to be done, it was going to be forever before he got married - it was going to be forever before I was done with chemotherapy.
And as my husband held me in his arms as we slow-danced at John’s wedding reception, I looked into his eyes and started to cry a little. We were almost there. We were about to cross the finish line of what could only be described as the world’s worst marathon ever. We were going to make it, I was going to beat this.
Last round of chemo. I got my blood drawn, everything looked solid. I got the IV in my hand - it still hurt, but I didn’t even care. I sat in that chair, I caught up on some work emails, messaged with my family and friends, took a short nap, and reveled in the fact that I would hopefully never have to set foot in that treatment wing again. And then I got a call from my husband - he asked if I could see the windows. And so I got up and walked over to the large windows at the back of the room - and what I saw made me start to cry. Cory had pulled together my mom, my nephew, our daughter, my father-in-law and my sister-in-law, they had all come to stand outside the treatment bay windows with posters to cheer me on through my final chemo!
“We <3 Mommy!” and “Donut Mess with My Aunt Cassie!” covered in donut stickers, and “Cancer… Hear Her Roar!!!” with T-Rex cutouts plastered all over the poster board. I was completely overwhelmed by the gesture of love and support. And the chemo treatment wing was too - all the nurses and other patients in treatment began cheering, hoopin’ and hollerin’ - my heart about popped right out of my chest.
Covid-19 had taken away the chance to have loved ones come and sit with me during treatments, but it wasn’t about to rob me of my final chemo celebratory moment, Cory and our families made sure of that. And when the treatment was over and it came time to walk out of there, it was surreal. I did my best to savor every footstep as I marched outta there.
I prayed over that space as I headed out - Father, thank you for the nurses that cared for me. Thank you for the comfortable space to rest my weary body. Thank you for protecting me. Please watch over, protect and heal those that still have to come and sit in these chairs. Bring miraculous healing to this place. And dear Lord, please don’t ever bring me back here. Ever. Amen.
Thursday, Sept. 9, 2021
I was supposed to go see my surgeon today to start talking about the lumpectomy and get the procedure scheduled. But I woke up with a pretty yucky congestion/cold/cough situation and felt it best to postpone the appointment - I knew it would be best for everyone. I ended up taking the day off to rest and slept for the majority of the day, and Cory stayed home to look after me.
Neuropathy is also still hanging around, it has spread to both of my feet now. It’s a weird, frustrating feeling. Numbness in my toes and across parts of the bottoms of my feet, but thankfully it hasn’t spread to anywhere else at the moment. I’ve got a check-in with my oncologist next week so I’ll bring it up with him then. In the meantime, I’ve heard that acupuncture could be helpful in mitigating the side effects of chemo so I’m putting out a request for recommendations from my B-N friends for anyone that’s gone to an acupuncturist in town because Lord knows I don’t know where to start when it comes to looking for a good person to trust with this treatment. I’ll also be interested to hear my oncologist's opinion on acupuncture and if he thinks it’s safe and will help. Because the longer this persists, the more desperate I feel.
Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2021
Had my routine post-chemo check-in with my oncologist. He was extremely pleased and ready to celebrate the final round of chemo with me. He commented on how well I handled the treatment and we discussed next steps. I had trouble sleeping the night before so I made a long list of questions to discuss with Migas. We talked through each one in detail. I asked about surgery and anything I should be aware of in order to prepare properly for the discussion with my surgeon. We talked about the neuropathy. I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for. He did say that he was glad to hear that the numbness wasn’t covering my entire foot and up my ankle, that that was promising. But he followed that up with, ”It could take a year, maybe longer, if it goes away at all.” But there was hope and things that I could try - a B-complex vitamin (B6 has healing properties apparently), CBD oil or topical ointment has been known to heal neuropathy and other side effects of chemo, and he was in favor of acupuncture as well. So I left the appointment with a list of things to try and luckily a friend of mine had recommended an acupuncturist to me late last week so I called straight away and got an appointment on the books.
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