May 25, 2021
This afternoon I had to head to the cancer center. I am going to be taking a hormone treatment that will push my ovaries into a "dormant" state to hopefully protect them from the chemotherapy - another measure we are taking to hopefully ensure the opportunity for having children in the future, either naturally or through the fertility preservation measures that we’ve taken.
After my lab work was done and I got my hormone shot, I met with oncologist nurse practitioner Lyndi to talk through all-things chemo. I was unprepared for that discussion. It was extremely overwhelming and made this fight feel really scary, again.
There are so many possible side effects, some that could just be annoyances to manage or mitigate, some that could be life-threatening, and some that could have long-term side effects that we might not even know about until later in life when challenges could occur.
It’s terrifying. Enough to make you want to turn and run straight out the door. I felt paralyzed in fear again. In the car on the drive home I cried, hard. I wish I had been better prepared heading into that discussion. I wish I had Cory with me to hold my hand. I wish I didn’t have cancer.
Mom came over tonight to help us with Macy tomorrow morning during my port implant surgery. We sat in the living room together, I told her about my appointment earlier that day and how hard it had been. I spent some time organizing all of my treatment information and documents in a filing system and reading through each and every piece of literature that Lyndi gave me.
I’ve got some questions, I’ll need to follow-up with her tomorrow or Thursday - there's definitely more to discuss before I just let them hook me up to this poison next Tuesday.
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